I have spent far too many years trying to be mysterious to no avail. Why? Because when you identify as an "open book," you learn through trial and error that people want to hear from people they don't usually hear from. Craving connection, not just nodding and smiling, means wanting people to want to know you. When sharing is regulating, though, you're positioned in an impossible double bind: suppress the urge to talk at the expense of your peace, or embrace your verbosity wi

If your social media algorithm has any overlap with mine, you've surely come across "bean soup theory." Bean soup theory, coined from the comment, "What do I do if I'm allergic to beans, though?" on a video of a recipe for bean soup, has become internet shorthand for a particular social norm: not everything is for everyone, and we don't need to announce every way something doesn't apply to us. I do think that's a useful reminder sometimes, especially when we pour precious ene

I am what some might call "an open book," by which I mean that in most contexts, disclosing information about myself doesn't bring up much emotion. Once upon a time in group therapy, I was known to roll my eyes at every "Thank you for sharing that." I have since come to learn that neither I nor my fellow group members were right or wrong about this. Instead, the group consisted of a diverse sampling of vulnerability languages, or things that each of us experience as vulnerabl