So much of the literature that exists about body image treats it as almost entirely intrapersonal ("How do I perceive my body?"), but after attending a talk about sexuality and embodiment, I've been considering the ways in which it is also interpersonal ("How do I experience my body as being perceived, appreciated, and reflected back to me by people I trust?"). The talk, like so many on sexuality, excluded asexual spectrum (aspec) experiences and prompted many brainstorms abo

I have spent far too many years trying to be mysterious to no avail. Why? Because when you identify as an "open book," you learn through trial and error that people want to hear from people they don't usually hear from. Craving connection, not just nodding and smiling, means wanting people to want to know you. When sharing is regulating, though, you're positioned in an impossible double bind: suppress the urge to talk at the expense of your peace, or embrace your verbosity wi

As my co-author and I wrapped up the section of our book that challenges self-regulation as a gold-standard, universal mental health goal, we both admitted that we felt nervous about how it would be received in the current cultural climate. A few months later, I came across a social media post from an eating disorder clinician straight out of early-2000s-era diet culture suggesting that while eating when you're distressed might make you feel better temporarily, it's not a fix

Birthdays have been a therapy topic for as long as I've been working with fellow autistic folks. Usually someone mentions having seen a social media post about how hard it is to be the center of attention or to react in the "right" way to a gift, and don't get me wrong-I have no idea what I'm supposed to do while everyone is singing happy birthday to me. Do I look at the cake? Do I sing along? What do I do with my hands? But in my experience, most "why birthdays can be hard f

I am what some might call "an open book," by which I mean that in most contexts, disclosing information about myself doesn't bring up much emotion. Once upon a time in group therapy, I was known to roll my eyes at every "Thank you for sharing that." I have since come to learn that neither I nor my fellow group members were right or wrong about this. Instead, the group consisted of a diverse sampling of vulnerability languages, or things that each of us experience as vulnerabl

The idea that relationships should not be "transactional" is in line with the anti-capitalist values around which I live my life and practice therapy. It is true that healthy relationships are built on more than give-and-take exchanges of favors, but the key word is "more than." Those exchanges are still there, and they are still crucial. While it's romantic and Hallmark card-esque to believe that love and friendship should be unconditional and that care is best when it's giv